Living in a broken system..

I wanted to update the blog sooner, but life here has been far from easy! The long baby C is here, the more issues we realize she has. One big issue (along with the FAS) is we think she has what is called RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder.. This is mostly due to the constant change in caregivers ( foster home, childcare and respite care) along with the maternal use of drugs and alcohol. Joel and I have have done tons of research and just need a doctor's confirmation for our beliefs.. And this is where pure h*ll broke out..
On Monday, Joel called Ontario CPS stating our issues and asking for help. Also, we stated until she is assessed and therapy has begun and true assessments are made, that we would like to remain temp. With this being said, this is what sister in law wanted in the beginning. She is doing a great job and we really don't want to make it harder for her to get back baby C. Anyways, we pretty much got told to make a decision there and then on permanency and if no, they would come and get baby C!! WTF!!!!
So, we got on the phone with everyone and anyone who would listen.. Social workers, lawyers and child advocates.. They all stated this was BS and all we are doing is asking for help and pretty much getting a huge slap in the face! We are just trying to provide for baby C's well being and want to address her issues and ASAP as the longer we go one, the harder it will get. Joel and I in the meantime are doing our own "therapy" at home, but question ourselves at times if what we are doing is benefiting baby C or setting her back..
All week, no call from Ontario, nothing.. After threatening us, no call.. Sister in law spoke with them yesterday and the same person that stated she was coming to get baby C is claiming she no longer stated that!! Errr!
And now, we are in limbo land.. Just waiting, scared to call because we don't want to stir the pot, but really want to know what the heck is going on!! Please, please keep praying for us!

Almost two weeks!

Tomorrow will make the two week point that we have been home as a family of 5! All the kids are feeling better (finally) but Joel and I are still feeling pretty crappy! The lack of sleep makes it harder to build that immune system! So, we went and bought tons of oranges, hoping the vitamin C is what we need!
The transition is going, however, it is still very challenging! Baby C is still pretty fussy, now even with the soother in.. This is totally understandable since we just tore her away from everything she's known and I'm pretty sure this is the longer she has been away from her foster family. Like stated in previous posts, our social workers all told us the first month will the hardest, so we are half way done!!
This week end is Thanksgiving and Isaiah's 2nd birthday! This will be the first official family holiday of 5 and everyone is dying to come back and see Baby C! We are having all our family over, 8 adults and 7 kids, 5 being 4 and under! It gets loud but it's the one thing I LOVE about the holidays!! Please keep praying for us and this transition!

It has been one week!

It has been one week since baby C has been with us! We are slowly learning about her and she is learning about all of us! In this past week, we have had 3 social worker visits and are now, officially done our homestudy! We are currently waiting to review it. All our visits, references and the SW's observations are complied into an approx 40 page document. Our SW warned us that it may seem weird to be reading about yourself as another sees it, but Joel and I are excited to read it! We have nothing to hide and I think this makes the process so much easier, being open and honest!
Also, I feel soo bad and guilty, but we think we have found the reasoning behind baby C being a little more fussy than expected, she has a soother and is addicted to it! Joel started the visits with baby C and no one mentioned it, there was just one in the bag. So, I put it in our carryon bag and that's where it stayed until Wednesday when I was sitting on the couch, listening to baby C and not being about to console here, and the big old light bulb went off, the soother! I went and gave it to her and you'd think we'd starved her by her reaction to it! We are not used to this, as neither of our kids would even look at a soother and here baby C loves hers! So, we had to go to Walmart and buy some back up ones. We are trying to break her of the need for the soother but we do understand that she is a baby and transitioning into this new life, so she gets it, just maybe not as often as she feels ( which is 24/7!)
I am hoping to post some pictures in the next few days, with 3 kids and work, it seems I never have enough time to breath, let alone go on the computer! And as Isaiah has it, Cars is on the computer 24/7 and it's a battle just to check emails with him!

We lost, but we won..

All this time we have been set towards this one magical day of court.. Dreaming for months on end what the moment would bring, how we would feel, how amazing it will be to have baby C here with us, for good.. But, apparently, according to our S.W. today, we lost court.. They had submitted that we get baby C for a permanent amount of time (being until she was 18yr old) and sister in law and brother in law changed their mind and only wanted temp.. However, this is what the original plan was for temp, why did they submit permanent?
So what does this mean you may ask? Right now, we don't really know.
In the meantime, we are in love and tired.. This tiredness honestly feels like when I brought my babies home from the hospital.. Your body is running on this natural high, you sleep, but don't feel rested, the days go by so quick and you want them to slow down to savoir the sweet moments that happen.. I'm not to sure if this tiredness is due to the fact that we spent an incredibly loooong time in the hotel with 3 kids ( well, WE felt like it was a long time) or the fact that we are dealing with time changes or the fact that everyone is sick with a nasty cold or maybe the combination of all 3?? With this being said, I wouldn't change it for a thing.. Baby C is here, with us, where she belongs! From the moment I got off the plane, she has called me momma and only wants me.. Which at times I love, but other times I really want her to bond with Joel since I will be heading back to work this week end and as we all know, Joel stays home with the kids full time..
Baby C is adjusting well from our view. But our on S.W. warned us that sometimes babies this small can put on a "front" or "honeymoon" phase, but states it never lasts longer than a month.. With today being done ( kids all in bed) I think our honeymoon phase is ending.. Baby C has shown us that she hates being taken out of the bath, doesn't like it when momma kisses or hugs anyone but her, doesn't like her car seat and sometimes, just doesn't know what she wants! This has all been expressed by little miniature tantrums, which I find oddly amusing! Watching this tiny thing ( have I mention how small she is, I swear she is the size of my kids at 10 months, minus a few pounds) throw herself around in what she thinks is the world ending tantrum when really, she sounds like a little sheep baaing!!
I hope to update once we get more information, but our days are filled right now with S.W. appointments ( it's nice they come to the house, but that also means we need to have a somewhat presentable house!), getting Pax back in the routine of school and trying to figure out how life will work as a family of 5! Please keep praying for us!!

Part 2 of homestudy complete!

Our updates today so far is that we completed part 2 or 4 for our homestudy last night. She did the walk through and interviewed us individually. I didn't find the interview that bad, we have nothing to hid so there's no worries about what we say or lying, so that makes things easier, in mu opinion!
And now, we're packing! Our hotel and rental van are booked. We ended up upgrading to a family suite at our cost. I felt nap times and good sleep is important for everyone in this transition to come!
I won't be updating the blog until we get back and things are settled down! Please continue to pray and send positive thoughts to us in this transition and especially for baby C, whose little world will completely change..

Flights are officially booked!!

We FINALLY got our itinerary's for our flights and now can officially say they are booked and Joel and the kids are leaving Friday morning!! I then leave Tuesday night on the red eye and get into Ontario on Wednesday morning! We are still waiting on confirmation for a hotel as the two we had previously chosen are booked solid and with 3 kids ( 2 being under 2!) we really need a suite! Hopefully, we will find that out soon!

As well, today we found out what is going on for court. Technically, we are doing the exact same thing as people who are adopting a child, we are no longer doing kinship. This means we are fully responsible for baby C in every aspect of life.. The only difference between this and adopting is that our names do not get placed on the birth certificate.. Baby C will officially be "out of the system" and we won't have to answer to social workers, etc once she is in our care and the homestudy done!

the past 24 hours..

Have been crazy! On top of trying to figure out flights, hotels, changing shifts and praying for granted vacation days the Home study worker called up last night at 8PM wanting to set up the first part of the home study ( what! wait a minute, parts? with an S?) for the next day (being today) or Saturday. We have company coming this week end, so we choose today at 530pm.
So, the homestudy lady came over and explained everything to us. The homestudy goes in parts.. Part 1: Couple interview Part 2: Indivial interview and walk through of the house Part 3 indivial interview Part 4 Tie together loose ends, ensure things pointed out in walk through are complete.. So, tonight, she picked us apart! And definitely NOT in a bad way, pretty much she wanted to see if we were in this and in it for the long run.. She asked us questions of every kind, from our parenting styles, what we loved and hated about eachother, how we met, how long we dated before living together, our support networks and our infertility ( that I was expecting but not expecting how hard it would be to talk about it) She then went to ask us what we would do if baby C gets diagnosed with FAS.. Our response, the same thing if one of our children were to be diagnosed with a disability, deal with it and adjust life and move on! She wanted to know how we felt the children would be affected by baby C coming, how it will affect our family as a whole.. These questions weren't hard, because this is all stuff we discussed before even considering going through with this process, it was just weird to tell someone and them take note which will then be presented to us in a 40 page report!
So, part 2 will take place on Wednesday.. Once all these steps are said and done it's a 3 1/2 week turn over, so we will have baby C before the homestudy is officially "stamped"
And in true standing, our S.W. was supposed to call us this afternoon with our flight and hotel information and guess what, he didn't call! UGH! So, I guess once the ball gets rolling it gets rolling and here we're standing on top of this ball trying not to fall off!