Living in a broken system..

I wanted to update the blog sooner, but life here has been far from easy! The long baby C is here, the more issues we realize she has. One big issue (along with the FAS) is we think she has what is called RAD, Reactive Attachment Disorder.. This is mostly due to the constant change in caregivers ( foster home, childcare and respite care) along with the maternal use of drugs and alcohol. Joel and I have have done tons of research and just need a doctor's confirmation for our beliefs.. And this is where pure h*ll broke out..
On Monday, Joel called Ontario CPS stating our issues and asking for help. Also, we stated until she is assessed and therapy has begun and true assessments are made, that we would like to remain temp. With this being said, this is what sister in law wanted in the beginning. She is doing a great job and we really don't want to make it harder for her to get back baby C. Anyways, we pretty much got told to make a decision there and then on permanency and if no, they would come and get baby C!! WTF!!!!
So, we got on the phone with everyone and anyone who would listen.. Social workers, lawyers and child advocates.. They all stated this was BS and all we are doing is asking for help and pretty much getting a huge slap in the face! We are just trying to provide for baby C's well being and want to address her issues and ASAP as the longer we go one, the harder it will get. Joel and I in the meantime are doing our own "therapy" at home, but question ourselves at times if what we are doing is benefiting baby C or setting her back..
All week, no call from Ontario, nothing.. After threatening us, no call.. Sister in law spoke with them yesterday and the same person that stated she was coming to get baby C is claiming she no longer stated that!! Errr!
And now, we are in limbo land.. Just waiting, scared to call because we don't want to stir the pot, but really want to know what the heck is going on!! Please, please keep praying for us!

Almost two weeks!

Tomorrow will make the two week point that we have been home as a family of 5! All the kids are feeling better (finally) but Joel and I are still feeling pretty crappy! The lack of sleep makes it harder to build that immune system! So, we went and bought tons of oranges, hoping the vitamin C is what we need!
The transition is going, however, it is still very challenging! Baby C is still pretty fussy, now even with the soother in.. This is totally understandable since we just tore her away from everything she's known and I'm pretty sure this is the longer she has been away from her foster family. Like stated in previous posts, our social workers all told us the first month will the hardest, so we are half way done!!
This week end is Thanksgiving and Isaiah's 2nd birthday! This will be the first official family holiday of 5 and everyone is dying to come back and see Baby C! We are having all our family over, 8 adults and 7 kids, 5 being 4 and under! It gets loud but it's the one thing I LOVE about the holidays!! Please keep praying for us and this transition!

It has been one week!

It has been one week since baby C has been with us! We are slowly learning about her and she is learning about all of us! In this past week, we have had 3 social worker visits and are now, officially done our homestudy! We are currently waiting to review it. All our visits, references and the SW's observations are complied into an approx 40 page document. Our SW warned us that it may seem weird to be reading about yourself as another sees it, but Joel and I are excited to read it! We have nothing to hide and I think this makes the process so much easier, being open and honest!
Also, I feel soo bad and guilty, but we think we have found the reasoning behind baby C being a little more fussy than expected, she has a soother and is addicted to it! Joel started the visits with baby C and no one mentioned it, there was just one in the bag. So, I put it in our carryon bag and that's where it stayed until Wednesday when I was sitting on the couch, listening to baby C and not being about to console here, and the big old light bulb went off, the soother! I went and gave it to her and you'd think we'd starved her by her reaction to it! We are not used to this, as neither of our kids would even look at a soother and here baby C loves hers! So, we had to go to Walmart and buy some back up ones. We are trying to break her of the need for the soother but we do understand that she is a baby and transitioning into this new life, so she gets it, just maybe not as often as she feels ( which is 24/7!)
I am hoping to post some pictures in the next few days, with 3 kids and work, it seems I never have enough time to breath, let alone go on the computer! And as Isaiah has it, Cars is on the computer 24/7 and it's a battle just to check emails with him!

We lost, but we won..

All this time we have been set towards this one magical day of court.. Dreaming for months on end what the moment would bring, how we would feel, how amazing it will be to have baby C here with us, for good.. But, apparently, according to our S.W. today, we lost court.. They had submitted that we get baby C for a permanent amount of time (being until she was 18yr old) and sister in law and brother in law changed their mind and only wanted temp.. However, this is what the original plan was for temp, why did they submit permanent?
So what does this mean you may ask? Right now, we don't really know.
In the meantime, we are in love and tired.. This tiredness honestly feels like when I brought my babies home from the hospital.. Your body is running on this natural high, you sleep, but don't feel rested, the days go by so quick and you want them to slow down to savoir the sweet moments that happen.. I'm not to sure if this tiredness is due to the fact that we spent an incredibly loooong time in the hotel with 3 kids ( well, WE felt like it was a long time) or the fact that we are dealing with time changes or the fact that everyone is sick with a nasty cold or maybe the combination of all 3?? With this being said, I wouldn't change it for a thing.. Baby C is here, with us, where she belongs! From the moment I got off the plane, she has called me momma and only wants me.. Which at times I love, but other times I really want her to bond with Joel since I will be heading back to work this week end and as we all know, Joel stays home with the kids full time..
Baby C is adjusting well from our view. But our on S.W. warned us that sometimes babies this small can put on a "front" or "honeymoon" phase, but states it never lasts longer than a month.. With today being done ( kids all in bed) I think our honeymoon phase is ending.. Baby C has shown us that she hates being taken out of the bath, doesn't like it when momma kisses or hugs anyone but her, doesn't like her car seat and sometimes, just doesn't know what she wants! This has all been expressed by little miniature tantrums, which I find oddly amusing! Watching this tiny thing ( have I mention how small she is, I swear she is the size of my kids at 10 months, minus a few pounds) throw herself around in what she thinks is the world ending tantrum when really, she sounds like a little sheep baaing!!
I hope to update once we get more information, but our days are filled right now with S.W. appointments ( it's nice they come to the house, but that also means we need to have a somewhat presentable house!), getting Pax back in the routine of school and trying to figure out how life will work as a family of 5! Please keep praying for us!!

Part 2 of homestudy complete!

Our updates today so far is that we completed part 2 or 4 for our homestudy last night. She did the walk through and interviewed us individually. I didn't find the interview that bad, we have nothing to hid so there's no worries about what we say or lying, so that makes things easier, in mu opinion!
And now, we're packing! Our hotel and rental van are booked. We ended up upgrading to a family suite at our cost. I felt nap times and good sleep is important for everyone in this transition to come!
I won't be updating the blog until we get back and things are settled down! Please continue to pray and send positive thoughts to us in this transition and especially for baby C, whose little world will completely change..

Flights are officially booked!!

We FINALLY got our itinerary's for our flights and now can officially say they are booked and Joel and the kids are leaving Friday morning!! I then leave Tuesday night on the red eye and get into Ontario on Wednesday morning! We are still waiting on confirmation for a hotel as the two we had previously chosen are booked solid and with 3 kids ( 2 being under 2!) we really need a suite! Hopefully, we will find that out soon!

As well, today we found out what is going on for court. Technically, we are doing the exact same thing as people who are adopting a child, we are no longer doing kinship. This means we are fully responsible for baby C in every aspect of life.. The only difference between this and adopting is that our names do not get placed on the birth certificate.. Baby C will officially be "out of the system" and we won't have to answer to social workers, etc once she is in our care and the homestudy done!

the past 24 hours..

Have been crazy! On top of trying to figure out flights, hotels, changing shifts and praying for granted vacation days the Home study worker called up last night at 8PM wanting to set up the first part of the home study ( what! wait a minute, parts? with an S?) for the next day (being today) or Saturday. We have company coming this week end, so we choose today at 530pm.
So, the homestudy lady came over and explained everything to us. The homestudy goes in parts.. Part 1: Couple interview Part 2: Indivial interview and walk through of the house Part 3 indivial interview Part 4 Tie together loose ends, ensure things pointed out in walk through are complete.. So, tonight, she picked us apart! And definitely NOT in a bad way, pretty much she wanted to see if we were in this and in it for the long run.. She asked us questions of every kind, from our parenting styles, what we loved and hated about eachother, how we met, how long we dated before living together, our support networks and our infertility ( that I was expecting but not expecting how hard it would be to talk about it) She then went to ask us what we would do if baby C gets diagnosed with FAS.. Our response, the same thing if one of our children were to be diagnosed with a disability, deal with it and adjust life and move on! She wanted to know how we felt the children would be affected by baby C coming, how it will affect our family as a whole.. These questions weren't hard, because this is all stuff we discussed before even considering going through with this process, it was just weird to tell someone and them take note which will then be presented to us in a 40 page report!
So, part 2 will take place on Wednesday.. Once all these steps are said and done it's a 3 1/2 week turn over, so we will have baby C before the homestudy is officially "stamped"
And in true standing, our S.W. was supposed to call us this afternoon with our flight and hotel information and guess what, he didn't call! UGH! So, I guess once the ball gets rolling it gets rolling and here we're standing on top of this ball trying not to fall off!

Slight change of plans..

Joel spoke with our S.W. in Ontario today about our trip! Apparently now, Joel must be present for the court date on Sept 20th along with sister and brother in law. So now, Joel needs to be in Thunder Bay earlier than we planned so he can do visits with baby C! The plan is now for Joel, Pax and Isaiah to fly in on the Friday.. I will then fly in either on the Tuesday night or Wednesday morning flight. Joel and the kids then have to drive 4 1/2 hours to the town where mother in law lives and where baby C is currently in respite care. They will all then drive back to Thunder Bay on Tuesday morning as we will find out the court time at the last minute.
After court is said and done, Joel will set up in the hotel with the kids and then I should be there shortly after or the next day! We will stay in the hotel until coming home! Oh, and S.W. is paying for the hotel room, major bonus as we have to rent a vehicle while we are there!
Now, as excited as I am for all this to be happening, Joel is taking my babies away from me for almost an entire 5-6 days! I am soo sad about this! The last time I was away from Pax this long was when she was 2 and I moved out here first.. Isaiah, I have only left my precious baby for one night and I almost died, I missed him soo much! It doesn't help that I am his favourite person right now.. I KNOW I will be busy with work, sleep and getting the last minute things done around the house, and I KNOW this will be easier with no kids trying to "help out".. But, I KNOW this is all for the better! I told Joel he's leaving the house with 2 kids and coming home with 3, how amazing is that!

More great news!

Getting through the long week end was very stressful, 3 entire days with no "real" news! S.W. in Ontario called this morning to explain things a little better.. So here is the scoop!
Court date is at the end of Sept; at this court date sister in law and brother in law will sign their rights for baby C away (with this being said, they can apply at anytime to get them back, but they must prove to a judge that they are better and have been stable for a few years d/t their history) Soo, the BIG news is that if sister and bro in law keep agreeing there will be NO SECOND COURT DATE!!!
S.W. stated Joel would fly out a few days before the court date to do visits, then after Sept 20th, we can come home, as a family of 5!!!! He said he would call us in the next few days with more specifics! Joel spoke with sister in law yesterday and she sounds clean and still very supportive of baby C coming here!!
Again, I will say it, the love, support and prayers from everyone has been this possible and words cannot thank each and everyone of you for it! I am a believer in God and Karma and both will bless each and everyone of you!!

Court date!!!

So, today we got good and bad news, via email since our S.W. KNOWS we would be angry with his news and decided not to call with this critical information. Apparently, he spoke with the Lawyer (this is the one we were told only worked Fridays, thanks for lying there guys!) and the earliest court date they can get is the end of Sept!. Immediately after getting the email, Joel tried phoning and no answer! EERRR!! So, I am beyond thrilled we got a court date and very angry on when it is!

The end is near!

Joel called our S.W. this morning, surprisingly he has already filled out the Protection Application and had submitted it to the Lawyers on Friday. From here, the Lawyer looks over the application (usually within a day) and it gets sent to court and a court date is assigned within 5day, MAX!! Now, we wait for the call on when to board the plane!!!!

Best news EVER!!!!!

Joel finally got a hold of SW in Ontario's boss bright and early this morning ( it helps with the time change and them being 2 hours ahead and Mr Isaiah waking up nice and early!) Anyways, she spoke with the lawyers on Thursday, SW in Ontario is filling out or has filled out the Protection Application.. What this means is they are requesting a judge to step in and give us rights to Cheyanna if she were to need medical care, etc. This court date will be.... late this week or early next week!!!!! After that date they will assign another court date within days of the first date and Joel has to be present for it! In the meantime, once the first court date is complete, they will be flying Joel out to Ontairo!!!!!!!!! Yup, in the next few weeks we will be a family of 5!! We are sooo happy that this is coming to an end, this was a hard, hard fight, but sooo worth it!!

So, the plan as of now; Joel flies out with Pax and Isaiah and I stay here and work, work, work and get ready! Then, I fly out to Ontario for hopefully a few days to visit and then come back, just in time for a family photo shoot by a great photographer here in Calgary!! Happy day!!! We could NOT have done this without everyone's outpouring support, love, hope and lots and lots of prayers! Thank you and please keep all that amazing energy coming for the adjustment of a little girl into our wonderful ( and crazy) household!!

News on a Saturday!

So, today started out like every Saturday, not expecting any news.. Then my mother in law calls and stated she had just talked to sister in law and had her number. Joel then called sister in law and she stated that her and baby C's dad were very supportive of baby C coming here and that they had been trying to get a hold of SW in Ontario to sign the papers, he hasn't called them back! I then emails foster family to let them know and thery said they were in a similar situation and since sister in law is agreeing foster family said that they saw no reason why baby C cannot be in our care by Aug 31st.. If only we were the ones to make the big decisions like that. Foster family and Joel and sister in law will all be calling SW in Ontario on Monday and getting down to the bottom of things.. Hopefully, with lots of prayers this will happen soon!!!

As for Friday, no one called us back.. We called a million times and not one call back.. I'm almost ready to post their numbers on the internet so everyone can call them and tell them to freaking call us back already!!!

More run arounds..

Nothing new really to report other than constant run arounds today.. I emailed the foster family this morning telling them we recieved the police checks, they stated they had a meeting with their social worker yesterday and that my sister is now NOT in favour of baby C to come live with us. Joel then called our SW and they had a meeting last week and they are looking at custody ( instead of kinship) and they want to put her on an extended family visit prior to custody BUT would be in October sometime, but stated he had to talk to his supervisor. He also said they filed a Protection Application and are submitting it to the court, from there a judge will decided what to do, give baby C back to sister in law, have her with us permanently, or continue with kinship through the agency. SW also stated he has not recieved anything from our SW here in Alberta, which I think is B.S. because she is on top of everything, even calling us in Newfoundland, just to touch base, stating she sent the paperwork.. SW here in on vacation until next week sometime! Off the phone then with loser SW, as you can read, we hate him and everything about him, once we have baby C here, we will be investigating how to make a "formal complaint"
Anyways, Joel called the supervisor and they played phone tag all day, she left a message as Joel was on the phone with another social worker in the same office. The supervisor left a message saying she would be speaking with the lawyer and that she got the police checks and would touch base with us Friday because she was busy that day (hopefully regarding us!) In the meantime, we sit and pray so hard for her, sending her all the love that she deserves. I bought her cute little summer outfits that she won't be wearing anytime soon..

Blah, and readying through this I am going to have to figure out initials for people to make it a little easier to understand who is who. As you can see, this is not a simple process by any means, with all these people involved it is like the game telephone!

They came!!!!

We just walked in the door from a very stressful day of traveling across country with a very busy 22 month old, to come home and check the mail and have our well awaited Police Checks!!!!!! We are beyond thrilled and it makes what we thought was a trying day (in the vehicle for 5 1/2 hours and then 9 hours on a plane!) seem like nothing in comparision to our fight for baby c and waiting for these checks!! Our SW here in Calgary is on vacation for the next two days, but Joel will be making calls in the morning! So, YEAH!

S.W. visit #2

Well, today's visit was very uneventful! She was here and gone within half an hour! She asked us if we had completed our "homework" and we submitted everything to her and she was shocked we had it all done and ready to be handed in! We asked if we had locked up our medication (everything somewhat medical wise needs to be in a locked container.. I already have a hard enough time taking my vitamins in the first place, now that they are locked up, it's a lost battle!!) which they were.. She asked if we had any questions and that she was submitting everything for the homestudy and we should get a call soon to set that up!

Now, all we need is that critical piece of paper from the Police Station stating we are good people with clean records, which we are, so we don't understand the wait!

Monday is over and now Tuesday will soon begin

Monday came and went.. We picked up the lock for our cutlery drawer and some extra smoke detectors. Joel completed the evacuation plan and we both fill out our 10 page questionnaire and financial statement.. Everything is in the folder ready for our visit the CFS S.W. Hopefully, we will get more answers and her just being here makes the day amazing, knowing we are moving forward! Tomorrow morning we will be cleaning but not cleaning enough to make it obvious that we did it, they prefer your house be natural.. And well, natural looks like a tornado hit, we I'd prefer to at least pick up and dust a little bit!

I will update tomorrow after our S.W. appt!

Mondays, ugh!

I can't even begin to explain this huge pit in my stomach when I realize it's almost Monday (I work nights, alot, and with Joel being home, I lose track of days! I know the date, just not the day!) Anyways, Mondays mean alot.. The beginning of a new week, wondering if we will get answers, a phone call, checking the mail a million times waiting on those stupid police checks, checking emails to see if the foster family contacted us and in between all this crazy stress, we have two very active and busy little bodies running around! It's alot of stress and anxiety! And I hate Fridays, because that is two whole entire days that we will not get answers, or calls, or check the mail.. We always try to do something fun with the kids on my days off and we do try to relax on the week end, but this process is not like that.. We have another little person so far away, so when we head out with the kids, the thought always crosses our minds that we are missing something, and that something is baby C..

It's amazing though, we have sooo much love, have shed sweat and tears, all into this precious little soul that we have never met.. And we realize in the end, once she's here, all this stress and frustration will be well worth it because this baby was meant to be a part of our family!

Frustration..

I am beyond frustrated with this entire process! Everywhere we go, we get the run around and it's not fair to us or baby C! Apparently, she is in respite care this week end and the foster parents forgot to mention this to us.. These are the people who, according to their emails, are worried about how baby C will handle the move since she is "very schedule orientated" So why then, are we sending her to a family that she doesn't know for the week end? Not cool!

So, our CFS S.W. called today to review what has been done, check on the references and to state she got one in the mail! S.W. also mentioned that they were going to proceed with the home study even before the police checks come in.. But, we are headed on vacation in one week..Very exciting, then she proceed to tell Joel that she called our S.W in Ontario and he stated that the move wasn't happening anytime soon as they are waiting for a court date... Umm, baby C can wait here! CFS S.W. stated he was going to call us the previous day to tell us this, we did not receive a call. Right about now, I am at work, in tears, screaming in my head, there is a little baby involved here, not a puppy! Even this wouldn't be fair to a puppy! I have been researching online everything I can about kinship and know this is pure B.S., I know more than these S.Wer's! Anyways, I found something about an extended family visit, why has this never been mentioned before?? CFS S.W. stated she knew about it and they do it inter provincially and was going to try to find out more about it.. So, my trusted husband got to work..

Joel called S.W. in Ontario and wouldn't you know, he's gone on vacation and won't be back for a week, thanks for informing us there trusted S.Wer! Joel didn't stop there, he called S.W. supervisor and spoke with her. APPARENTLY ( and yes, bold is required) she had no clue about this new found waiting until court. Joel then asked her about an extended family visit and she said yes, they do it, but not to sure if they do it inter provincially.. Again why has this NOT be mentioned before? She WAS going to look into it.. In the meantime, she stated once everything is done with us ( and she said including the home study, we were told we can do that once baby C is here, under special circumstances) that baby C will be here ASAP and they will fly her out as soon as they found out! No consistency at all!

So, today was a set back, I'm not to sure what to believe anymore! Our original plan was to bring her to Newfoundland on our family vacation (Aug 12th), then it was to pick her up on our way back.. So now, we are investigating how much we will go in debt ( changing tickets is expensive!!) trying to change our tickets and headed to Ontario after Newfoundland, even if for a visit.. Our vacation to Newfoundland will be far from a vacation as I know being so far away and with limited access to a computer will cause a great deal of stress!

And that folks, is pure frustration all in a blog post! Enjoy!

So this is my first post, probably of many to come. I have always wanted to blog, but consider our lives pretty normal and who wants to read about normal? Now that we have something exciting going on, with lots of family and friends constantly asking what's going on, this seems like the best way to do it!

I will eventually be adding older dated posts from our entire process, which began about 16 months ago when it was confirmed my sister in law was pregnant and the children were in my mother in laws care ( apprehended and placed there)

So for now, sit tight and I will be adding more information and updates

Medical Reference

Today, we rounded up the kids and ventured to our great family doctor for our medical clearance! He signed us off as healthy and ready to be parents and didn't charge us an arm and a leg as we were expecting! We are hoping everything is said and done soon, we are headed on a family vacation to Newfoundland next week and would love to pick up baby C on our way home!

So now we're waiting on: Police checks ( Please pray hard that these come) all 3 of my references received their letter and two will be in the mail in the next few days, one is already in the mail, S.W. is coming over on Tuesday to ensure we completed all the proper paper work and to go through the house again.. We are also in the process of trying to figure out how to paint the room.. I really want it done before we go to Newfoundland on the 12th, but it might be too much to ask of my loving hubby!

We got pictures!

I can't post pictures on the public blog due to confidentiality issues, but the foster family sent us 6 pictures today! Baby C is tiny! I bought her some outfits last week and am thinking I might need to get a smaller size! I also got her and Pax matching pj's!! Fingers crossed on the police check, we're still waiting!!

First S.W. visit

The process is actually happening and our CFS S.W. just confirmed this. In all, we kept fighting for the little person, holding out hope that we would get her, but incredibly frustrated from such a lengthy process.. We have shed more tears and sweat for this little girl that we could have imagined, this little person which whom we have never met..

So, the S.W. came over and she was awesome! On our side with everything and explaining to use that she will be our advocate, this after hearing our stories of our horrible S.W. in Ontario. Anyways, she got us to sign ALOT of papers, and I mean alot! I do labour and delivery notes and those are alot, this was nothing compared to that! Our wrists were throbbing from all our signatures, well worth it though!! She also did an initial walk through of our house and was very pleased we only had a few things to do; get more smoke detectors, a carbon monoxide detector and to place all our vitamins, medications in a locked box. Also, we have to do a fire evacuation plan, which I think every home should have! This process is really opening our eyes to safety issues that we never discussed as a family and should! Pax now knows her exits from the house and where to go and even a back up plan, I am soo proud of her!

Things that need to be done; medical reference check from our doctor, 3 references to fill out a questionnaire on our life/parenting skills, complete the last minute stuff for the home study and finally the home study! With all this being said, there is talk of doing the critical stuff and leaving the home study until after baby C is here, along with training courses. And we are STILL waiting for the police checks to arrive!

S.W. contacted us!

She called, she called!!! The S.W. from CFS called and is coming TOMORROW for our initial home study, paper work and explaining the process, OMG!!! Joel is currently headed out to buy the rest of the child proofing stuff we need and a fire extinguisher, I'm sitting here in total shock!

We called CFS again, and our file had been passed on to our new worker on Wednesday, we were told to wait a few weeks for her call..

Apparently S.W. in Ontario sent our file to Child and Family services here in Calgary. We called on CFS on Friday and no file, we will wait again until Friday..

Over the past year, it has been a constant battle with the S.W. (social worker) Joel would call weekly to try to get updates on the entire process. Some weeks getting news that they would be meeting and month go by with no meeting. As well, we have been told several times to get police checks, followed quickly by not to get them done! So, in the past few weeks, after Joel calling S.W.er's supervisor and then HER supervisor and meeting is held within 24 hours and it is decided to proceed with everything and that their hands are tied until we have police checks, geez, thanks S.W. for delaying this process when we could have replied, we have them! So, today Joel is headed to get his and I will go on Friday to get mine as I am working nights.. The wait for a police check; 6-8 weeks.. Just great!

First contact with Foster Family

The foster family sent us our first email today, tears streamed down my eyes as I read their words.. This is soo surreal! Baby C is doing wonderful and LOVES to eat, she will fit in good here, that's for sure!